Sunday, August 25, 2013
Here it is, the start of a new week. That means it's Sunday. How I used to dread every Sunday from the bottom of my heart. Growing up we had to wear dresses to church. That's just how it was. Anything else would be disrespectful to God. I hated my dresses. They were all hand-me-downs with those huge collars that would cover your whole face if you lifted it up...which wasn't so bad if you were having a temper tantrum and wanted to hide... We also had to ride in our great big chevy van for 45 minutes on winding mountain roads, which tend to make you feel carsick when you're in the backseat and your little brothers are munching on cheerios while their little feet scrape your leg because they are bouncing their legs non-stop. Walking into church was just more misery. I was shy, lost in the shuffle. The only one at church I ever remember talking to me was my Sunday school teacher. I was bigger than the other kids in my class, and I thought I must be fat. The only other girl in my class would look at me smugly when I couldn't remember all of the verse we were supposed to have memorized. Yes, Sundays were dreadful. I don't blame my parents. They did exactly what they thought was best for all of us, and I have a lot of respect for them. I have a confession to make. I still don't like church. I do like Sundays now, because we don't usually go to church. There was a brief time in my married life that I loved church. We were in a very unique church for a couple years. A church where you are loved for who you are, and they don't try to change you. They love that you are different because it adds to their diversity and they accept that you are following God because you keep showing up and showing your love. Right now though, we are nomads. Not belonging anywhere, and yet maybe belonging everywhere. We have each other, we have community through so many different outlets from skype, to emails, to facebook groups encouraging me to continue seeking. We're not in one place long enough to have a local community. That might change, but for now, this is what we have, and it's enough.